webdawgmaster

I am new to this forum. I am looking for some input for other golfers.

I have a friend who I have golfed with for years on a regular basis. I am a fairly good golfer carrying a 4 handicap. He is a "wanna be" 4 handi, but plays more to a 18. In the past he has had outbursts and anger on the course. We can be playing with two strangers and he will duff a shot and start yelling, cussing and throwing clubs. I find it very embarassing.

He has acted the same when we play alone, but lately it has gotten worse. I have used his outbursts to help train myself to become focused only on what I am doing and on my shot. He can be jumping up and down, kicking the cart and I can block him out to the point that I can still focus on making my birdie putt. Now he has started to talk during my backswing, telling me all the reasons why he should have made the putt he just missed while I am over my putt and the most irratating of all, he talks on his cell phone all of the time making everyone wait on him. His phone can ring two or three times on every hole! He has even started giving me golf tips or telling me what is wrong with my swing if I hit one errant shot!

The final straw is that the last three time we have played, he is always late to the course and calls me (from his cell phone) to pay his greens fee and the promises to pay me back on the course. He now owes me for three rounds. The last time he said he thought that he had cash but he didn't, "I'll get you next time" he says. He then proceeds to play so poorly that he regrets even coming out to play and then usually storms off after the round without a word about the money he owes me. The last round, I paid and he became so distraught on the course and made so many outbursts in front of two strangers, that I left after 12 holes and took him with me. I was then out my greens fee and his and he ruined!

Today my phone rings and he wants to know if I want to get out play today. I told him no. I didn't give him a reason, but I think he knows.

I could understand his actions if he were a really good golfer, or at one time been a really good golfer. But when you think you should be shooting par and you never have and you never practice, what can you expect? There is no enjoyment of the game for him. I enjoy the time I am out there. I enjoy the escape from my every day routine. He is even honest with himself when he does play the game. He can slice on into the trees, tee up another ball and then proceed to make a bogey, but says to put him down for a par. He will then argue with you that he did par it and the first shot did not count.

I know that I should not be playing with him any longer, but how do you break off a "golf relationship" without damaging the friendship? That is where I am right now and that is what I need help with.

I am playing golf today. Without him and I am going to enjoy every bogey, par and birdie!

Thanks for your input!

webdawg

JDScope

Jeez Dawg, I couldn't.. You're a pretty understanding guy - what a nightmare! I dunno, I've played with a whole bunch of really good players - who hit a bad shot from time to time, who don't act up that way. Hell, just watch when the pros hit an occasional bad shot - or miss a putt they probably should have made - I don't see them throwing clubs and carrying on.. If any of my 'buddies' owed me for three rounds of golf without paying up (at LEAST by the next time we played), and took away from my enjoyment from the game as much as it sounds like this fella is taking away yours, I don't think I'd be hangin' around him to often.

I'd just tell him pretty much what you wrote here, and let him know that if things don't change - you'll have a beer with him anytime, but you won't be playing golf with him. There's so many great people to play a round with.. Some of the best times I've had playing golf have been when I show up at the local public course as a single, and get paired up with someone I never met! Life's too short..

Best of luck getting it straightened out,
Scope

Matthew_22

Ok, can I just ask if he is actually your friend, or just someone you play golf with. Because if I was in your situation I would be looking for a new friend to play golf with (no offense, he is probably a nice guy off the course).

Sure, it may hurt your friendship if you stop playing golf with him, but honestly their are plenty more people that I would rather hang out with. If he makes a big deal about it or gets offended, then that's his problem not yours.

Now I know that all sounded a bit harsh, but like Scope said, life is too short. You can't help him if he doesn't want to help himself (lol, that made it sound like he is on drugs or something)

webdawgmaster

Thanks for your replies.

Yes, he is a friend. We go back 10 years+. I was even the best man in his wedding.

Looking back, he has always been this way and I have just put up with it. My time has just been so limited the last couple of playing seasons that it is really started bothering me the way he conducts himself on the course.

I was talking with my wife about it and after what Scope said concerning playing with people you don't even know, she says "you used to run out everyday and play a quick nine with whoever you could hook up with, why not now". I totally agree. I have made a couple of long lasting friendships from hooking up with people on the local courses. Other golfers that see the game the way I do. So why not!

I played yesterday afternoon (alone) and let them pair me up with someone at the course. I had the best time I have had in a couple of years. Very stress free and relaxing round. It was fun and it has not been fun in a long time.

Still not sure how this is going to pan out when I tell him that I am not longer going to play golf with him. I suspect he is going to get p.o.'d, take it way to personally and not call me for months (this has happened before). Well, at least it will happen through the gofl season and not over the winter!

Thanks again for your input. I knew what had to be done, just hearing from another golfer helps solidify it.

WebDawg

Michael311

Wow, he needs some therapy, or to pick another hobby.

CanCaddy

Yeah, I was just going to ask if he's like this with everything in your friendship, not just when you golf. If he's impatient with everyone all the time and throws a hissy fit when he doesn't "win" or get his way, I'm surprised you have been friends with him that long. I'm also surprised he's still married!

If you don't want a confrontation (and it sounds like you don't if you've put up with kind of stuff for 10 years), then just be busy whenever he wants to go golfing for the next few times he asks. He probably won't get the hint though given his personality, so you'll probably have to talk to him sometime about it.

Are your wife and his wife friends? If so, maybe they can help. I don't usually advise making women do what guys need to do, but usually women are better at this kind of stuff. Maybe your wife could have lunch with his and tell her how upset you are about this but it's just too stressful, etc. His wife may talk to him then, depending upon their relationship. If your wife does this, she deserves a special night out from you though

You're really not being a friend by letting him continue to embarrass himself - as hard as it is, sometimes we have to be the ones to break the bad news to our friends that they are acting like little kids. Yeah, you could lose your friendship, but it sounds pretty one-sided anyways.

As for teaming up with others at the course, go for it. My Dad used to do that when he retired out to a city where he didn't really know anyone who played golf and he made some lifelong friends that way.

Thumperfive

it's hard, but you gotta do what's right for you - and not get your rep ruined on the courses! If they keep seeing you with this guy tossing fits, they're not going to think much of you in the long run...

just be friends with him and not even mention golf - maybe he'll take the hint and move to something more to his liking, like biting through iron bars.

fitz-uk

It sounds like a nightmare of a situation.

Are you a member of a course? The reason I ask is that my weekends are full up with competitions lined up through my home course. Although I regularly play with the same people - I enjoy the chance to meet new people.

Yesterday was a prime example, had a competition and played with 2 other people I had never met before. By the end of the round I had met and enjoyed the company of 2 strangers and finished with a beer and more people we all know at the same club.

The best thing you could do would be to distance yourself from him for a while, take some time to play with other people or in competitions - then in a couple of weeks time speak with him and see if he wants to play. Hopefully by then he would have understood why and change his attitude.

Regarding the cheating - he is only causing himself problems. Dont bother scoring - tell him to do it or better yet just score your own.

Most imporantly - never play a cheat for money!

I hope it works out for you.

stefkel

Hi,
If this guy is really a friend of yours you should talk to him quite frankly! The first reason of playing with friends is to have fun. Play for a beer, lunch or little money. But always fair! If you don´t tell he will run out of playing partners very soon... I am playing of 4 as well and have some friends here in Munich think similar as yours. Handicapper 20 and try to play scratch. Sometimes they also “forgot” a shot some where… I told them straight away not to fool me or even worth – themselves. The next two holes are little bit quite… but the first round of beer back in the club house is on them. And they will not do it again! And when someone shouts and gets out of control with his temper I send them in the woods - shut the f… up and don´t behave like a little child. Most of the time it helps.
Regards
Steffen

Thumperfive

you can also mention that you can't afford for the both of you to keep doing this - if he's stiffing you on the fees, well... not good for your wallet, nevermind your friendship!