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geline · 06-26-2006, 12:22 PM

True Confessions Of A Golfer

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

"What is your sin, my child?" the priest asks back.

"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible."

"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.

"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Father." Said the man. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the priest again.

"Well, no," said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed priest.

"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient priest.

"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole."

"You missed the %#$*& putt, didn't you?" sighed the priest.

AalborgQT · 06-27-2006, 06:18 PM

Very funny - I heard a similar one. Goes like this.

Jesus and Moses are out playing golf.

Moses swings and the ball goes into the water. He walks over to the water, raises his hands, and parts the water down the middle. He walks to the bottom of the now dry pond and hits the ball. A hole in two shots. Jesus says, "Wow - nice job, Moses."

Jesus now swings. His ball also goes into the water. He walks over to the pond, holds out his hands, raises the ball to the top of the water so it's floating, Jesus walks out onto the water, swings and gets it in the hole. Moses says, "Wow - nice job, Jesus."

Just then, a ball goes flying fast just between where Moses and Jesus are standing. The ball is picked up by a squirrel, the squirrel nudges the ball into the water. A fish swallows the ball. An eagle flies down the water, picks up the fish with its talons. The eagle begins to eat the fish mid-air, and as it does, the fish drops the ball right into the hole.

Jesus says, "Wow! Nice shot, Dad!"